The truth is I have many reasons for being absent from this blog for over a year, but I have chosen not to go into detail about why I've been missing and just start writing again.
As I sit here, I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant and on my first official day of maternity leave. I am no longer employed. It takes a minute to sink in and for a second I feel a surge of fear run through me. My life is about to change in so many ways and in just 6 short weeks I will be faced with so many of my hopes, dreams and fears. The road to get here has been completely different from what I had previously imagined. Pregnancy is very interesting to say the least. Over the next few days I plan to share with you my experience so far, what's surprised me the most and what I have found to be the weirdest symptoms no one ever told me about.
Growing up I wasn't sure I wanted children, in fact it wasn't a decision I made until a couple years after I married. When I was about 24 I began to explore the option. Even though up until that time it was never something I had considered, I had always wondered what it would be like to be pregnant. I found the idea terrifying and the thought of giving birth could almost paralyze me with fear. After my husband and I decided to try to get pregnant I convinced myself I would be the most miserable pregnant woman anyone had ever met. I pictured myself glued to the toilet bowl unable to keep anything down. I had visions of blowing up like a balloon and gaining 50+ pounds. I thought work would be out of the question because I would be too tired to get out of bed. Certain I would get stretch marks all over, I wondered how different I would feel about myself after giving birth and if I was even capable of raising a child and being a good mom.
The minute I saw the positive pregnancy test on my bathroom counter was the minute I realized things were not always as people tell you they will be. We had been trying for quite awhile to conceive and all of my mom friends told me I would know the second I was pregnant, that it was something you could just "feel". All I felt I was disbelief. Nothing about me seemed different and since I didn't "feel" like everyone told me I would, I was convinced I was witnessing a false positive. Because of this there was no screaming and crying or surprising my husband with our result. Instead it was more of a, "babe can you come look at this? Don't bother getting excited I'm sure this isn't real. I will let you know in a few days." Well 5 days later and about 8 pregnancy tests later, the doctor confirmed the news. I was finally pregnant.