Shane Banfield

A year ago today the world lost one of the most talented, friendly and charismatic people I'd ever met. Even though he is gone he is still influencing everyone that knew him and changing them for the better. This is the sign of a truly good person. We miss you Shane!



September 15th, 1980 - March 28th, 2011

The Personal Bubble

I'd really like to know what goes through some peoples mind when they feel they are entitled to ask personal questions to complete strangers. The other week at work I was helping a girl who noticed my wedding ring and asked how long I had been married for. No biggie, almost 5 years. Her next question also seemed harmless, "Do you have any kids?" to which I replied, "not yet." This is where I think most people would end the conversation or change the subject but she felt it necessary to pry further. "Well when do you think you'll have them?"
This was followed by a few seconds of silence while I took a breath and swallowed what I really wanted to say. Then I responded, "I don't know.... when it happens." After a brief break of questioning while she talked about her own children she then resumed the questioning with, "well how many do you want to have?" and "why haven't you had them yet?"
Now, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because I have been asked this question so many times that every time I hear it now it makes me want to lose. my. shit. But really, don't people stop to think? I think no matter what age a woman is you should never ask her why she hasn't had children. For all you know maybe she has tried and discovered she can't. Or maybe she has suffered the lose of 3 unborn children and is too scared to try again. Or maybe she just doesn't want them for reasons that are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! What is it with society that feels the need to impose their expectations of life on others?
It's the same when people continually ask, "when are you going to meet someone and get married?" Does it really matter? Have you ever thought of how hurtful this question can be to someone who desperately wants to get married but it just hasn't happened for them yet?
I feel bad for a friend of mine who suffered a very serious illness when she was younger and bears scars from it. Almost everyday she is asked, "Is that a hickey?" It wouldn't be so bad if the question wasn't accompanied by a degrading look. Your judgement constantly reminds her of the time she was told she had cancer and had to live with the burden of possibly losing her life.
People aren't just imposing with their words these days, they have started to think they have a right to invade your personal space too! I was horrified to hear stories from my pregnant friends about how complete strangers came up to them to rub their bellies. And how after their baby was born they had complete strangers ask to hold it!
So what makes strangers think they have a right to ask such personal questions and impose on the private areas of others lives? Well I don't know, but it sure can be annoying! Please do not enter my personal bubble unless I have invited you!

The Line

In relationships there are certain lines that you just don't cross. I think in every relationship these lines vary based on the two people involved. For example, for one couple it might be OK to know that their partner is frequenting the peelers while for another couple this might be a line that you just don't cross. Or maybe the line is that you can look at the peelers but just don't touch. Certain people may find simple flirting harmless as long as it isn't followed up with an exchange of phone numbers. There are also a few out there that might believe it's not OK to have any sort of contact with the opposite sex... at all.
I believe the problems in relationships arise when two people get together and aren't clear about what those lines are. You cannot control how other people will behave around your partner. If you are with someone who feels completely different about what is acceptable than you do, arguments will occur. I also believe there is a general line that for the most part people agree is the point in which you DO NOT CROSS. Then there are varying opinions which are more extreme and some might consider just crazy. So what is that line in which we most agree on? Well I think it's the familiar saying, "you can look just don't touch".

It funny being a married person, it seems when you get hit on it means a little bit more than when you were single. Maybe it's because you have been out of the game for so long... or maybe it's just that we all have a need to feel desired and wearing a ring on your finger tends to deter compliments from coming your way. OR maybe it's because when you do get hit on and you know that person has seen the ring on your finger and decides to hit on you anyway, they must really think you're hot! I don't think there's any reason someone should feel guilty about enjoying attention from the other sex when you're married. As long as it's not provoked and as long as it doesn't lead to anything more I don't believe your partner should be angry.

I believe the keys to a successful partnership are communication, honesty and trust. We are all human and we all have a need to feel good about ourselves. Sometimes this comes from the opposite sex. You can't control the actions of other people around your partner, but you can feel confident in how your partner will respond. Besides, is there anything sexier than knowing you're with someone who many other people would want to be with?

My Confessions

After reading my friend Meghan's blog about guilty confessions I was inspired to confess some of my own. For those of you that aren't already following her blog you can find a link to her post here ---> http://www.piratemeghan.com/2012/03/guilty-confessions/
She is a great writer and I love how candid she is in her posts.

So here it goes... my confessions.

• I don't understand the point of maternity photo shoots. I mean you can't see the baby... it's just your belly but bigger. I just don't get it.
  
• If it wasn't for the Vancouver Canucks I probably wouldn't watch hockey. I guess this makes me less of a hockey fan and more of a Canucks fan.
  
• I try not to bitch too much in my posts because frankly I hear people bitching all day and I think maybe everyone else is just as tired of seeing people bitch about meaningless shit as I am. BE THANKFUL.
  
• I have a bit of a trucker mouth. Which you probably wont hear in person unless we are really close :)
  
• I eat chocolate everyday... yes every single day.
  
• I have a hard time supporting anyone who strikes over wages. You knew what the wage was when you decided your profession, if it wasn't worth it you shouldn't have done it.
  
• I think everyone should go to church at least once in their life. There is a lot to be learned there.
  
• I hate Seinfeld and I was never into the Friends series either.
  
• After watching 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' I find Russel Brand sexy.
  
• You know in that tide commercial when they say, "any self respecting Canadian doesn't say let's wait for a warmer day," well this one does. I hate the cold. Not just the cold Winter brings, but any type of wind that brings a chill, even in the middle of Summer.
• I love being naked! I think everyone should be less concerned with their body image and be more free!
  
• There were many other confessions I started to type and then deleted. That is me being smart :)

Well that's all for tonight. I hope some of you will share some of your guilty confessions too!

For The Love of Mexico

Every time I plan a vacation to Mexico I get the same reaction from my parents and many other people that I know, "Can't you pick somewhere safer?" I find this funny because not too long ago I went to a hockey game in Vancouver and the entire two weeks before I would wake up to the news of a shooting that had killed someone or sent an innocent person to the hospital. Despite this news on my way to the hockey game not once was I warned to be safe from the various people who thought my vacation destination was a poor choice.
I have been to Cancun three times now and I have never felt anything but safe each time I was there. The first time I went my husband and I actually got lost in downtown Cancun. We were wandering the streets among the locales for about 45 minutes not knowing which direction lead where when a nice Mexican man offered to lead us back to a place where we could catch a bus back to the hotel zone. I believe he took the scenic route for us as he could tell we were interested in seeing the real city, not just what most tourists come for. He took us past various places and explained what they were and also took the time to point out the various fruit trees we were passing. When we arrived home after that first trip and told our family about this highlight of our trip we heard the same reaction from them all, "You're lucky he didn't rob you or kill you!."
There are so many people that listen to the news like it's the bible and speak confidently on the topics that are reported. The news does not make you an expert. I find it difficult to stay quiet when hearing someone speak so confidently about a place they know nothing about. I laugh when they say Cancun is dangerous because the recent violence against tourists in Mexico took place on the other side of the Country! It's not that I feel invisible to danger, but honestly, telling me to be careful in Cancun because of the violence in Mazatlan or Acapulco is like telling me not to go to Montreal because of the violence in Vancouver.
I appreciate people's concern for my safety but unfortunately there is danger all around us. I find it sad that so many people will miss out on seeing beautiful places because the evening news decides to focus so much on the negative that happens there. I guess a part of me should be thankful as due to all the bad press I got a fantastic vacation deal!! There aren't many vacation destinations that are affordable, let alone cheap AND beautiful. Mexico is a gem that I love and will continue to visit many more times. All I really want to say is if you get the chance... GO! There are so many things to see and do and you will not be disappointed!