Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Shane Banfield

A year ago today the world lost one of the most talented, friendly and charismatic people I'd ever met. Even though he is gone he is still influencing everyone that knew him and changing them for the better. This is the sign of a truly good person. We miss you Shane!



September 15th, 1980 - March 28th, 2011



Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Personal Bubble

I'd really like to know what goes through some peoples mind when they feel they are entitled to ask personal questions to complete strangers. The other week at work I was helping a girl who noticed my wedding ring and asked how long I had been married for. No biggie, almost 5 years. Her next question also seemed harmless, "Do you have any kids?" to which I replied, "not yet." This is where I think most people would end the conversation or change the subject but she felt it necessary to pry further. "Well when do you think you'll have them?"
This was followed by a few seconds of silence while I took a breath and swallowed what I really wanted to say. Then I responded, "I don't know.... when it happens." After a brief break of questioning while she talked about her own children she then resumed the questioning with, "well how many do you want to have?" and "why haven't you had them yet?"
Now, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because I have been asked this question so many times that every time I hear it now it makes me want to lose. my. shit. But really, don't people stop to think? I think no matter what age a woman is you should never ask her why she hasn't had children. For all you know maybe she has tried and discovered she can't. Or maybe she has suffered the lose of 3 unborn children and is too scared to try again. Or maybe she just doesn't want them for reasons that are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! What is it with society that feels the need to impose their expectations of life on others?
It's the same when people continually ask, "when are you going to meet someone and get married?" Does it really matter? Have you ever thought of how hurtful this question can be to someone who desperately wants to get married but it just hasn't happened for them yet?
I feel bad for a friend of mine who suffered a very serious illness when she was younger and bears scars from it. Almost everyday she is asked, "Is that a hickey?" It wouldn't be so bad if the question wasn't accompanied by a degrading look. Your judgement constantly reminds her of the time she was told she had cancer and had to live with the burden of possibly losing her life.
People aren't just imposing with their words these days, they have started to think they have a right to invade your personal space too! I was horrified to hear stories from my pregnant friends about how complete strangers came up to them to rub their bellies. And how after their baby was born they had complete strangers ask to hold it!
So what makes strangers think they have a right to ask such personal questions and impose on the private areas of others lives? Well I don't know, but it sure can be annoying! Please do not enter my personal bubble unless I have invited you!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Line

In relationships there are certain lines that you just don't cross. I think in every relationship these lines vary based on the two people involved. For example, for one couple it might be OK to know that their partner is frequenting the peelers while for another couple this might be a line that you just don't cross. Or maybe the line is that you can look at the peelers but just don't touch. Certain people may find simple flirting harmless as long as it isn't followed up with an exchange of phone numbers. There are also a few out there that might believe it's not OK to have any sort of contact with the opposite sex... at all.
I believe the problems in relationships arise when two people get together and aren't clear about what those lines are. You cannot control how other people will behave around your partner. If you are with someone who feels completely different about what is acceptable than you do, arguments will occur. I also believe there is a general line that for the most part people agree is the point in which you DO NOT CROSS. Then there are varying opinions which are more extreme and some might consider just crazy. So what is that line in which we most agree on? Well I think it's the familiar saying, "you can look just don't touch".

It funny being a married person, it seems when you get hit on it means a little bit more than when you were single. Maybe it's because you have been out of the game for so long... or maybe it's just that we all have a need to feel desired and wearing a ring on your finger tends to deter compliments from coming your way. OR maybe it's because when you do get hit on and you know that person has seen the ring on your finger and decides to hit on you anyway, they must really think you're hot! I don't think there's any reason someone should feel guilty about enjoying attention from the other sex when you're married. As long as it's not provoked and as long as it doesn't lead to anything more I don't believe your partner should be angry.

I believe the keys to a successful partnership are communication, honesty and trust. We are all human and we all have a need to feel good about ourselves. Sometimes this comes from the opposite sex. You can't control the actions of other people around your partner, but you can feel confident in how your partner will respond. Besides, is there anything sexier than knowing you're with someone who many other people would want to be with?

Monday, March 12, 2012

My Confessions

After reading my friend Meghan's blog about guilty confessions I was inspired to confess some of my own. For those of you that aren't already following her blog you can find a link to her post here ---> http://www.piratemeghan.com/2012/03/guilty-confessions/
She is a great writer and I love how candid she is in her posts.

So here it goes... my confessions.

  • I don't understand the point of maternity photo shoots. I mean you can't see the baby... it's just your belly but bigger. I just don't get it.
  • If it wasn't for the Vancouver Canucks I probably wouldn't watch hockey. I guess this makes me less of a hockey fan and more of a Canucks fan.
  • I try not to bitch too much in my posts because frankly I hear people bitching all day and I think maybe everyone else is just as tired of seeing people bitch about meaningless shit as I am. BE THANKFUL.
  • I have a bit of a trucker mouth. Which you probably wont hear in person unless we are really close :)
  • I eat chocolate everyday... yes every single day.
  • I have a hard time supporting anyone who strikes over wages. You knew what the wage was when you decided your profession, if it wasn't worth it you shouldn't have done it.
  • I think everyone should go to church at least once in their life. There is a lot to be learned there.
  • I hate Seinfeld and I was never into the Friends series either.
  • After watching 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' I find Russel Brand sexy.
  • You know in that tide commercial when they say, "any self respecting Canadian doesn't say let's wait for a warmer day," well this one does. I hate the cold. Not just the cold Winter brings, but any type of wind that brings a chill, even in the middle of Summer.
  • I love being naked! I think everyone should be less concerned with their body image and be more free!
  • There were many other confessions I started to type and then deleted. That is me being smart :)

Well that's all for tonight. I hope some of you will share some of your guilty confessions too!




Tuesday, March 6, 2012

For The Love of Mexico

Every time I plan a vacation to Mexico I get the same reaction from my parents and many other people that I know, "Can't you pick somewhere safer?" I find this funny because not too long ago I went to a hockey game in Vancouver and the entire two weeks before I would wake up to the news of a shooting that had killed someone or sent an innocent person to the hospital. Despite this news on my way to the hockey game not once was I warned to be safe from the various people who thought my vacation destination was a poor choice.
I have been to Cancun three times now and I have never felt anything but safe each time I was there. The first time I went my husband and I actually got lost in downtown Cancun. We were wandering the streets among the locales for about 45 minutes not knowing which direction lead where when a nice Mexican man offered to lead us back to a place where we could catch a bus back to the hotel zone. I believe he took the scenic route for us as he could tell we were interested in seeing the real city, not just what most tourists come for. He took us past various places and explained what they were and also took the time to point out the various fruit trees we were passing. When we arrived home after that first trip and told our family about this highlight of our trip we heard the same reaction from them all, "You're lucky he didn't rob you or kill you!."
There are so many people that listen to the news like it's the bible and speak confidently on the topics that are reported. The news does not make you an expert. I find it difficult to stay quiet when hearing someone speak so confidently about a place they know nothing about. I laugh when they say Cancun is dangerous because the recent violence against tourists in Mexico took place on the other side of the Country! It's not that I feel invisible to danger, but honestly, telling me to be careful in Cancun because of the violence in Mazatlan or Acapulco is like telling me not to go to Montreal because of the violence in Vancouver.
I appreciate people's concern for my safety but unfortunately there is danger all around us. I find it sad that so many people will miss out on seeing beautiful places because the evening news decides to focus so much on the negative that happens there. I guess a part of me should be thankful as due to all the bad press I got a fantastic vacation deal!! There aren't many vacation destinations that are affordable, let alone cheap AND beautiful. Mexico is a gem that I love and will continue to visit many more times. All I really want to say is if you get the chance... GO! There are so many things to see and do and you will not be disappointed!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

"Grown Up"

When I think of my age and the fact that in only a few months I will be 27 I can't help but feel OLD. I don't know why. The number just sounds old to me. I wonder why it sounds so old when I myself don't even feel like a grown up yet. Is there ever a point when you feel "grown up"? What does it mean to be "grown up" anyway?
Dictionary.com defines "grown up" as reaching the age of maturity. So I've been "grown up" for almost 10 years and still I feel like a large child? At the age of 18 I purchased my first home. I then separated with the man I bought this home with and lived the life of working to survive and pay the mortgage. The years when I should have been out partying and exploring I spent working full time and watching $2.00 movies while I ate granola bars for dinner because I had a mortgage to pay for. When I was 22 I got married. I now live the typical adult life of working full time, paying the mortgage, coming home to my husband, cooking full course meals and planning for our future. Shouldn't I feel "grown up"???
I don't feel like I have missed out on anything. I did enough partying when I was a teenager to last my whole life. I've never enjoyed dating and venturing out on my own without careful planning just isn't who I am. The one thing I wish I did more of was travel however I don't believe this will make me feel "grown up".
I wonder if I am confusing this term for "complete?" There was a time shortly after my wedding when I felt my life was complete. I now believe as humans we are meant to constantly learn and grow and therefore we will never feel complete for long. Am I wrong? Are there people out there that feel completely whole, like they have it all and nothing could improve. Maybe I have to wait until I have had kids and they are "grown up" to finally feel like I have moved on from where I am now, a large inquisitive child with dreams of finding out what my true dreams really are? The only thing I really know for sure is that when my time comes to leave this world I want to have that feeling, that I have lived life, learned, experienced, "grown up" and feel complete.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Reflection

I apologize in advance if this post is hard to follow. I feel I am long overdue for writing here, and although I have many things to write and express I have no logical order of how to spew them all out. So I'm just going to wing it. It's a New Year and it's time to reflect.
I was recently asked to express my feelings about 2011 by one of the only people in my life who truly knows my inner thoughts, fears and feelings. The truth is there aren't many people I feel I can be completely honest with. I don't often express my true feelings for two reasons; one my fear of hurting others and two my fear of being hurt/ridiculed. The fact that I don't often express out loud what I am feeling might in part explain the numbness I currently feel towards life. It's not that I'm depressed, I just feel like every day is flashing by so quick that I don't have time to absorb my thoughts and feelings and really connect with the world and others. I have OCD and if I have a thought about something that needs to get done, even if it's something really small, I can't sit down or relax unless I do it. These thoughts interrupt any little time I have for myself and I end up being unable to focus on anything, even watching tv, until I finish the task that has passed through my mind. Working full time, doing school in my spare time, being a wife and mother of 6 animals and trying to find time for friends, family and leisure activities seems impossible right now.
Back to where I was going with this... my feelings about 2011. I believe when I was asked this question my exact words were, "It was just another year, just like every other year, full of good things and bad things." The truth is I couldn't think of one really extraordinary thing that happened this year. There were good things, like checking off a few things from my bucket list (learning to snowboard and starting University) and making some good memories with friends and family, but nothing so unbelievably good happened this year that changed the way I look at life. Unfortunately there were some really terrible things that happened in 2011 that did make me take a deeper look at my life. I lost a friend that was very close to my heart. He was far too young to die and far too talented and generous to leave this earth when he did. He died of a stroke while I was vacationing in Mexico. I fear that he didn't know just how highly I thought of him or how important his friendship was to me. That even though we weren't spending as much time together as we once did, I still thought of him often and he had a special place in my heart. Some of my best times were with him and it really made me think of how important it is to make time for those people while we still have the chance. This year I am going to try harder to express my appreciation to everyone in my life. I'm sad to say that just before Christmas I found out my grandmother has cancer. I have made a point to connect with her and cherish the time she has left. I hate death. I hate that we are forced to feel the pain of losing loved ones. There were other struggles in my personal life that have been very challenging. I will not go into detail about this but can say I have faced some situations I never hoped would be an issue.
Now that it is a new year I feel.......? Well I'm not sure how I feel. I know that this year will be filled with good and bad just like every other year. I am anxious to experience the good I know is to come and dreading going through the bad. I know there will be days I want to live in forever and others I wish away. Regardless of what happens the world will keep spinning and people will go on living their lives. This year I hope to find a balance in my life. I'm going to try to be more present in the good times so I can appreciate them more and they can help me make it through the bad.