Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"Fake It Till You Make It"

I confess. All my life I've had confidence issues. I've always felt awkward. I've been the subject of ridicule more than once. In Elementary school I was teased for having dark skin... funny how these days all those whities try their hardest to be dark and end up looking orange. I've been called a penguin because apparently my feet do not stay perfectly straight forward when I walk. In high school, I gained a few pounds and was subjected to rumours that I was pregnant. Which lead to rumours that I slept around. I grew up in a lower class family. This meant I could not afford name brand clothes, I could not afford to play sports, or drive a brand new car when I turned 16. Of course, I was teased for this as well. Even today, no matter what I'm wearing, name brand or not, I can't help but feel awkward in it. Like I don't pull it off as good as the next person. Sometimes I still look over my shoulder and expect to see someone laughing at me like I'm back in school.
Although being teased definitely isn't fun, it has taught me something. When you have a lack of confidence it shows. When you are a child, people see you as an easy target and pick on you. Sometimes you lash out and tease the person beside you in attempts to make yourself feel better. When you are an adult, it can truely affect your success in life. Employers will look at you and see that you don't believe in yourself, and if you don't, then why should they? Men will sometimes see you as someone who is either "weak" and an easy target to control, or they will see you as someone who has issues. Again if you are seen as someone who doesn't think they are anything special why should anyone else think differently? Of course there are exceptions to this. Some people see beyond your confidence issues and see the gem inside. But that's not what this post is about.
Lately my confidence has been bruised. I've had time to reflect and see just what has happened in my life lately as a result of my lack of confidence. I don't like it. So, now that I can once again see the light, and my eyes are open, I'm going to follow the famous saying and "fake it till I make it." That's right. Even though I haven't fully gained my confidence back, I refuse to let it show anymore. At the risk of sounding corny, it's true what they say, you can do anything you put your mind to.

1 comment:

  1. You know Crystal, I think everyone suffers from lack of confidence at certain points in their life - even the ones who fake it, never show it, those who appear the most confident,or those who bully and tease. What other people think of you isn't important because at the end of the day the only person they think about or care about is themselves. Be happy you are unique and only you can be Crystal - a lovely, very caring, special young woman who probably has been subjected to many people who are insecure or jealous of her because of her beauty and uniqueness...