Be Soft

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
― Kurt Vonnegut

This Will Probably Offend Some Of You

Since the last time I posted on here the most amazing thing happened. I've become a mom :) Although I fully intended to blog about my birth experience and all the awkward new mommy moments I'd face while trying to figure out this new role, that clearly did not happen. What happened instead was I became the happiest and most content I've ever been in my life. I fell so in love with this little baby it made me more present in my day to day activities. Social media took up less of my time and my experiences were shared with only those who were actually a part of my in person interactions.
The mom I am today is not the one I pictured myself to be back when I was pregnant and dreaming of how life would be. What came natural to me when it came to feeding my baby, balancing sleep in this household, and caring for my girl in general was not at all how I thought it would be. When it came down to it I just chose LOVE to lead me in every situation.
Now I know every baby is different and what works for some people doesn't necessarily work for others. Parenting advice in general usually causes a heated debate at some point regardless of what your intentions are. My post tonight is not meant to cause drama. I'm not preaching that certain ways of doing things are WRONG. I simply want to share my experience because I KNOW there are others who will be able to relate and find comfort in it.
First of all when it came to feeding my baby I knew I wanted to breast feed. That didn't change. It was painful and difficult for the first three weeks. No one warned me just how painful it could be. However as I educated myself on the benefits of breast milk, and how truly amazing it is, I knew there was no way I was going to give up on it. There is a lot of info, help and support out there and I encourage you to take advantage of it. That's all I will say on this matter (today anyway) as it is a VERY touchy subject and not what I want to talk about tonight.
Tonight I want to talk about spoiling your baby. Let's talk about our busy, schedule obsessed world and the way it has influenced the way people parent today. Before my little girl arrived I was one of those people that believed you could spoil your baby by holding them too much. I almost laughed writing that sentence just now because really, how silly is that? I have this beautiful miracle in front of me but I'm being warned that if I hold her too much she will become spoiled and never want to be put down. It seemed everywhere I turned I was being told to go against my natural instincts and instead of caring for this baby's needs, I was to ignore their cries and get them as independant as possible and on my schedule as quickly as possible. This pressure made me feel sick. Why did I have a baby if not to love it? Why was I given this little miracle if I was just going to ignore their needs and put my wants first? This baby has spent 9 months constantly carried, wrapped up warm inside me, ATTACHED to me, constantly warm, constantly fed and now All OF A SUDDEN because she was born, she doesn't need that anymore?
The internet is filled with new parents questions. Most revolve around feeding their baby and why they won't sleep. Everyone seems to think the fact that their baby is up all night and wants to feed so much means they are doing something wrong. Well I'm here to tell you there is nothing wrong with a baby that doesn't sleep and that wants to breast feed all the time. This is normal and it won't last forever! Hold your baby when they are crying, even if it doesn't seem to help. Invest in a good carrier. Having them attached to you, warm and snug is the closest they will get to the comfort they felt when they were growing inside you. Being born is quite the ordeal. Absolutely everything this baby has ever known has changed. It takes some getting used to. This world is cold, loud, bright and scary. Your baby looks to you to comfort and ease their fears because you have been their constant. If your baby will only sleep on you for the first 4-5 months, that's ok! Yes there are stories about babies who slept in their crib, all night long, since the time they were born. Good for them! Not everyone is the same. I know it's exhausting. I know it's hard. But If your baby is crying it's because it needs something, not because it wants to piss you off and keep you up all night.
I personally invested in a co-sleeper and had my girl sleep in there for the first 4 months. At least 50% of her time spent sleeping was in my arms or on my chest. I carried her on me a good majority of the day. When she outgrew her co-sleeper, she was moved to a bassinet beside my bed until she was 7 months old. There were a couple of times I fell to the pressure of "trying to get my baby on schedule." Those moments were the most heartbreaking I've ever experienced. Again it came down to loving my baby and fulfilling her needs. Allowing her to do things in her own time, instead of when others expected her to do things, was what worked best for me. At 7 months old she showed her own independence start to emerge. She began napping in her crib and a couple weeks later started sleeping there all night. Not once did we have to listen to her cry it out. She is more independant than ever and contrary to what people told me, is not a spoiled baby. I did not ruin her, she will not be sleeping with me until the time she is in college and she most certainly is not a 12 year old girl attached to my boob. In fact she decided to start weaning herself before she turned 9 months! Who knew.... Loving your baby and giving them everything they cry for is ok..... While they are a baby. This advice is obviously not meant for older children. We aren't trying to raise a bunch of spoiled brats here! :)

The Third Trimester and Unpleasant Surprises

So here I am, almost 37 weeks along now, and still not feeling how everyone I know told me I would feel when I was pregnant. Every time I run into someone I'm asked how much longer I have left and then that is always followed up with, "you must be so ready to be done!"
The truth is I don't feel "done" at all. In fact I keep getting my weeks messed up and shock myself on a daily basis when I realize just how little time I have left. I'm not overly huge.... Or at least most of the time I don't feel like it. I still go on the treadmill everyday and try to work out as much as possible. I'm not waddling yet, which could be courtesy of how the baby is sitting. I'm also not experiencing any pelvic pain or pressure of any kind.
In a way this trimester has reminded me a lot of my first trimester. I've experienced days where I'm so exhausted I nap twice a day; granted my nightly sleeps have diminished to merely 3.5 hours on average. I've also had some cravings that I experienced in the early weeks of pregnancy. Currently it's DQ double cheeseburgers where as my very first craving was for teenburgers. My feelings of disbelief have also returned. Maybe it's because we tried for so long to get pregnant but I can't believe it's actually happening. I know when we get to meet our little baby it's going to be the most significant and exciting moment of our lives!

Although I consider myself fairly lucky with how smooth pregnancy has been, there have been a few unpleasant surprises. First of all, the constant worry I've felt in regards to babies health is something I never thought I'd experience. I thought getting pregnant was stressful but it turns out pregnancy is even more so. It took 21 weeks for me to feel baby move and ever since then I worry that I don't feel it as much as others do. This could be due to my anterior placenta, but at this point when baby has lazy days I still get freaked out. The doctors have also detected a bit of an irregular heartbeat over the past few months. Sometimes there are extra beats and sometimes the heart skips beats. It was never bad enough for them to send me for further testing but the baby may need some tests after it is born :( I'm praying this will correct itself when the baby is born and there is no underlying issue.
As thoughts of giving birth begin to fill my mind I kind of wish I looked into getting a midwife. This was the year my family doctor decided to give up delivering babies so I was referred to an OB when I was 3 months pregnant. What I didn't expect is how long it would take to get in! I didn't end up seeing her until I was 30 weeks pregnant. I have only met with her three times and have virtually no relationship with her. The appointments were maybe 10 minutes long and I feel like she always has to refresh her memory regarding my file when I go in and has no idea who I am.
One thing that is kind of funny is how many hours I've spent worrying about labour and birth, it probably works out to weeks of time spent over the course of my life worrying about this. As it turns out baby is breach and I'm not going to experience labour. Due to the baby's position and the blood thinner injections I'm on, I will have a scheduled c section approx 2 weeks before my due date. Originally I thought this sounded like a sweet deal but now that the surgery is only 1.5 weeks away... I'm TERRIFIED! It's hard putting your trust in someone you have only met three times to keep you and your baby alive through the procedure. As someone who has always struggled with anxiety and panic attacks and hates taking any kind of drugs, I'm worried about my mindframe as I lay awake being sliced open. I also have this weird worry I will feel them cutting me open or stitching me up. Perhaps my biggest fear is that there will be complications, or I will start bleeding excessively and be awake to hear all the panic in the OR.

Hopefully in my next post I will have a positive birth story to tell you. Regardless of how this baby gets here I have some really great pleasant surprises about pregnancy to tell you and I know the list will only get bigger after this little one arrives.

The Second Trimester

I've never really been a big eater throughout the day. I was the girl in the office that could power through the day with eating only a muffin. Well that all changed in the second trimester. The amount of food I could eat really was incredible. My co-workers would laugh at the sight of me eating my lunch at 9:30 in the morning and then running out for a full foot long sub at lunch. This is when my cravings really kicked in as well. I didn't crave anything weird, it started off with teen burgers.... I'd often grab two right after work and then go home and make dinner. You'd think that would fill a girl up but no, sometimes after eating two helpings of dinner I would still be woken up in the middle of the night with hunger pains! My cravings then switched to pizza, my poor husband had pizza two to three times a week for about a month. Luckily after that phase I started to crave subway. Veggie subs with 1 strip of bacon, 5 days a week for at least two months. I also had a fried potato phase. French fries, hash browns or fried mashed potatoes covered my plate for dinner. I didn't want anything else to go with it. You would think I should have gained 50lbs this trimester but thankfully I did not. To date I have gained about 35lbs with 5 weeks left to go.
For the most part I felt really good in the second trimester. It really was all about eating. I was still sensitive to the sun but nothing like how it was in the first trimester. I managed to have a great Summer camping and taking road trips. Perhaps the best surprise so far was that my lactose intolerance had almost vanished completely. I could eat cheese, a lot of cheese, with no side effects. I also indulged in cream based meals and ice cream and cheesecake from time to time.
Seeing our little one at our 20 week ultrasound was really truly amazing. This is when it finally sunk in that there was a baby in me and it was growing and healthy. We got to watch it punch and kick back at the ultrasound tech and the pictures we got were very clear. Deciding not to find out the gender was hard at the time but I'm glad it's going to be a surprise. This could very well be our only child and I want the full experience. I began to feel movement around 21 weeks and can honestly say it is THE BEST feeling in the world. I was a little hesitant when I first got pregnant thinking the movement might weird me out but it really is just an amazing feeling.
The following pictures are of me and our little babe at 20 weeks:

The First Trimester

I know pregnancy is different for every woman. There are a huge list of potential symptoms expecting mothers can experience and none of them are all that great. Overall looking back on the last 34 weeks I can honestly say I feel I've had it pretty easy. For the most part, my visions of what a nightmare pregnancy was going to be like have been far from the truth.

After the doctor confirmed I was pregnant I was still in disbelief. Maybe it's because I found out really early, between 5-6 weeks. I didn't feel any different until about 8 weeks along, but even then I just felt like crap for no reason. This was the point where I started to experience 24 hour nausea. Thankfully, I only ever threw up once. However the fight to keep things in my stomach where they belonged was excruciating. Many scents including laundry detergent made me want to hurl. I actually had to get rid of some of my clothes from early pregnancy because just looking at them made those feelings come back. I also can no longer eat vegetable soup for the same reason. At this point I also slept a lot. Not just because supporting your baby before your placenta is fully formed can be exhausting, I was trying to avoid having to face the nausea. The other major symptom I noticed at this point was bloat. I didn't look pregnant I just looked like I had gained 5-10 pounds overnight! I longed for the days when my bump would pop so it was obvious I was pregnant and not just over eating.

Some of the other surprising and unpleasant symptoms I experienced were:

• Excess saliva. I felt like a drooling baby. Every time I talked I would have to wipe my mouth!
• Sensitivity to the sun. Any time I tried to sit in it I felt sick and as a former beach bum this made me really sad.
• Migraines. I had to leave work a couple times due to spotted vision and flashing light in my sight.

Perhaps the worst part of my first trimester was when I learned I had to be on blood thinner injections. I had suffered a blot clot in my leg a few years earlier and now, as a precaution, I was told I would have to inject blood thinners into my stomach EVERY SINGLE DAY for the next 10 MONTHS at least! The needle was bigger than I expected, I was hoping for just a small one like diabetics use to check their blood but the ones I use are about double the size.

There were no really good surprises in my first trimester aside from my first ultrasound. However I still didn't find this as a defining moment when It finally hit me that I was pregnant. The baby was so small it looked like a seahorse and I didn't get to hear a heart beat until about 15 weeks.

Pregnancy

The truth is I have many reasons for being absent from this blog for over a year, but I have chosen not to go into detail about why I've been missing and just start writing again.

As I sit here, I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant and on my first official day of maternity leave. I am no longer employed. It takes a minute to sink in and for a second I feel a surge of fear run through me. My life is about to change in so many ways and in just 6 short weeks I will be faced with so many of my hopes, dreams and fears. The road to get here has been completely different from what I had previously imagined. Pregnancy is very interesting to say the least. Over the next few days I plan to share with you my experience so far, what's surprised me the most and what I have found to be the weirdest symptoms no one ever told me about.

Growing up I wasn't sure I wanted children, in fact it wasn't a decision I made until a couple years after I married. When I was about 24 I began to explore the option. Even though up until that time it was never something I had considered, I had always wondered what it would be like to be pregnant. I found the idea terrifying and the thought of giving birth could almost paralyze me with fear. After my husband and I decided to try to get pregnant I convinced myself I would be the most miserable pregnant woman anyone had ever met. I pictured myself glued to the toilet bowl unable to keep anything down. I had visions of blowing up like a balloon and gaining 50+ pounds. I thought work would be out of the question because I would be too tired to get out of bed. Certain I would get stretch marks all over, I wondered how different I would feel about myself after giving birth and if I was even capable of raising a child and being a good mom.

The minute I saw the positive pregnancy test on my bathroom counter was the minute I realized things were not always as people tell you they will be. We had been trying for quite awhile to conceive and all of my mom friends told me I would know the second I was pregnant, that it was something you could just "feel". All I felt I was disbelief. Nothing about me seemed different and since I didn't "feel" like everyone told me I would, I was convinced I was witnessing a false positive. Because of this there was no screaming and crying or surprising my husband with our result. Instead it was more of a, "babe can you come look at this? Don't bother getting excited I'm sure this isn't real. I will let you know in a few days." Well 5 days later and about 8 pregnancy tests later, the doctor confirmed the news. I was finally pregnant.

Shane Banfield

A year ago today the world lost one of the most talented, friendly and charismatic people I'd ever met. Even though he is gone he is still influencing everyone that knew him and changing them for the better. This is the sign of a truly good person. We miss you Shane!



September 15th, 1980 - March 28th, 2011

The Personal Bubble

I'd really like to know what goes through some peoples mind when they feel they are entitled to ask personal questions to complete strangers. The other week at work I was helping a girl who noticed my wedding ring and asked how long I had been married for. No biggie, almost 5 years. Her next question also seemed harmless, "Do you have any kids?" to which I replied, "not yet." This is where I think most people would end the conversation or change the subject but she felt it necessary to pry further. "Well when do you think you'll have them?"
This was followed by a few seconds of silence while I took a breath and swallowed what I really wanted to say. Then I responded, "I don't know.... when it happens." After a brief break of questioning while she talked about her own children she then resumed the questioning with, "well how many do you want to have?" and "why haven't you had them yet?"
Now, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because I have been asked this question so many times that every time I hear it now it makes me want to lose. my. shit. But really, don't people stop to think? I think no matter what age a woman is you should never ask her why she hasn't had children. For all you know maybe she has tried and discovered she can't. Or maybe she has suffered the lose of 3 unborn children and is too scared to try again. Or maybe she just doesn't want them for reasons that are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! What is it with society that feels the need to impose their expectations of life on others?
It's the same when people continually ask, "when are you going to meet someone and get married?" Does it really matter? Have you ever thought of how hurtful this question can be to someone who desperately wants to get married but it just hasn't happened for them yet?
I feel bad for a friend of mine who suffered a very serious illness when she was younger and bears scars from it. Almost everyday she is asked, "Is that a hickey?" It wouldn't be so bad if the question wasn't accompanied by a degrading look. Your judgement constantly reminds her of the time she was told she had cancer and had to live with the burden of possibly losing her life.
People aren't just imposing with their words these days, they have started to think they have a right to invade your personal space too! I was horrified to hear stories from my pregnant friends about how complete strangers came up to them to rub their bellies. And how after their baby was born they had complete strangers ask to hold it!
So what makes strangers think they have a right to ask such personal questions and impose on the private areas of others lives? Well I don't know, but it sure can be annoying! Please do not enter my personal bubble unless I have invited you!

The Line

In relationships there are certain lines that you just don't cross. I think in every relationship these lines vary based on the two people involved. For example, for one couple it might be OK to know that their partner is frequenting the peelers while for another couple this might be a line that you just don't cross. Or maybe the line is that you can look at the peelers but just don't touch. Certain people may find simple flirting harmless as long as it isn't followed up with an exchange of phone numbers. There are also a few out there that might believe it's not OK to have any sort of contact with the opposite sex... at all.
I believe the problems in relationships arise when two people get together and aren't clear about what those lines are. You cannot control how other people will behave around your partner. If you are with someone who feels completely different about what is acceptable than you do, arguments will occur. I also believe there is a general line that for the most part people agree is the point in which you DO NOT CROSS. Then there are varying opinions which are more extreme and some might consider just crazy. So what is that line in which we most agree on? Well I think it's the familiar saying, "you can look just don't touch".

It funny being a married person, it seems when you get hit on it means a little bit more than when you were single. Maybe it's because you have been out of the game for so long... or maybe it's just that we all have a need to feel desired and wearing a ring on your finger tends to deter compliments from coming your way. OR maybe it's because when you do get hit on and you know that person has seen the ring on your finger and decides to hit on you anyway, they must really think you're hot! I don't think there's any reason someone should feel guilty about enjoying attention from the other sex when you're married. As long as it's not provoked and as long as it doesn't lead to anything more I don't believe your partner should be angry.

I believe the keys to a successful partnership are communication, honesty and trust. We are all human and we all have a need to feel good about ourselves. Sometimes this comes from the opposite sex. You can't control the actions of other people around your partner, but you can feel confident in how your partner will respond. Besides, is there anything sexier than knowing you're with someone who many other people would want to be with?

My Confessions

After reading my friend Meghan's blog about guilty confessions I was inspired to confess some of my own. For those of you that aren't already following her blog you can find a link to her post here ---> http://www.piratemeghan.com/2012/03/guilty-confessions/
She is a great writer and I love how candid she is in her posts.

So here it goes... my confessions.

• I don't understand the point of maternity photo shoots. I mean you can't see the baby... it's just your belly but bigger. I just don't get it.
  
• If it wasn't for the Vancouver Canucks I probably wouldn't watch hockey. I guess this makes me less of a hockey fan and more of a Canucks fan.
  
• I try not to bitch too much in my posts because frankly I hear people bitching all day and I think maybe everyone else is just as tired of seeing people bitch about meaningless shit as I am. BE THANKFUL.
  
• I have a bit of a trucker mouth. Which you probably wont hear in person unless we are really close :)
  
• I eat chocolate everyday... yes every single day.
  
• I have a hard time supporting anyone who strikes over wages. You knew what the wage was when you decided your profession, if it wasn't worth it you shouldn't have done it.
  
• I think everyone should go to church at least once in their life. There is a lot to be learned there.
  
• I hate Seinfeld and I was never into the Friends series either.
  
• After watching 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' I find Russel Brand sexy.
  
• You know in that tide commercial when they say, "any self respecting Canadian doesn't say let's wait for a warmer day," well this one does. I hate the cold. Not just the cold Winter brings, but any type of wind that brings a chill, even in the middle of Summer.
• I love being naked! I think everyone should be less concerned with their body image and be more free!
  
• There were many other confessions I started to type and then deleted. That is me being smart :)

Well that's all for tonight. I hope some of you will share some of your guilty confessions too!

For The Love of Mexico

Every time I plan a vacation to Mexico I get the same reaction from my parents and many other people that I know, "Can't you pick somewhere safer?" I find this funny because not too long ago I went to a hockey game in Vancouver and the entire two weeks before I would wake up to the news of a shooting that had killed someone or sent an innocent person to the hospital. Despite this news on my way to the hockey game not once was I warned to be safe from the various people who thought my vacation destination was a poor choice.
I have been to Cancun three times now and I have never felt anything but safe each time I was there. The first time I went my husband and I actually got lost in downtown Cancun. We were wandering the streets among the locales for about 45 minutes not knowing which direction lead where when a nice Mexican man offered to lead us back to a place where we could catch a bus back to the hotel zone. I believe he took the scenic route for us as he could tell we were interested in seeing the real city, not just what most tourists come for. He took us past various places and explained what they were and also took the time to point out the various fruit trees we were passing. When we arrived home after that first trip and told our family about this highlight of our trip we heard the same reaction from them all, "You're lucky he didn't rob you or kill you!."
There are so many people that listen to the news like it's the bible and speak confidently on the topics that are reported. The news does not make you an expert. I find it difficult to stay quiet when hearing someone speak so confidently about a place they know nothing about. I laugh when they say Cancun is dangerous because the recent violence against tourists in Mexico took place on the other side of the Country! It's not that I feel invisible to danger, but honestly, telling me to be careful in Cancun because of the violence in Mazatlan or Acapulco is like telling me not to go to Montreal because of the violence in Vancouver.
I appreciate people's concern for my safety but unfortunately there is danger all around us. I find it sad that so many people will miss out on seeing beautiful places because the evening news decides to focus so much on the negative that happens there. I guess a part of me should be thankful as due to all the bad press I got a fantastic vacation deal!! There aren't many vacation destinations that are affordable, let alone cheap AND beautiful. Mexico is a gem that I love and will continue to visit many more times. All I really want to say is if you get the chance... GO! There are so many things to see and do and you will not be disappointed!

"Grown Up"

When I think of my age and the fact that in only a few months I will be 27 I can't help but feel OLD. I don't know why. The number just sounds old to me. I wonder why it sounds so old when I myself don't even feel like a grown up yet. Is there ever a point when you feel "grown up"? What does it mean to be "grown up" anyway?
Dictionary.com defines "grown up" as reaching the age of maturity. So I've been "grown up" for almost 10 years and still I feel like a large child? At the age of 18 I purchased my first home. I then separated with the man I bought this home with and lived the life of working to survive and pay the mortgage. The years when I should have been out partying and exploring I spent working full time and watching $2.00 movies while I ate granola bars for dinner because I had a mortgage to pay for. When I was 22 I got married. I now live the typical adult life of working full time, paying the mortgage, coming home to my husband, cooking full course meals and planning for our future. Shouldn't I feel "grown up"???
I don't feel like I have missed out on anything. I did enough partying when I was a teenager to last my whole life. I've never enjoyed dating and venturing out on my own without careful planning just isn't who I am. The one thing I wish I did more of was travel however I don't believe this will make me feel "grown up".
I wonder if I am confusing this term for "complete?" There was a time shortly after my wedding when I felt my life was complete. I now believe as humans we are meant to constantly learn and grow and therefore we will never feel complete for long. Am I wrong? Are there people out there that feel completely whole, like they have it all and nothing could improve. Maybe I have to wait until I have had kids and they are "grown up" to finally feel like I have moved on from where I am now, a large inquisitive child with dreams of finding out what my true dreams really are? The only thing I really know for sure is that when my time comes to leave this world I want to have that feeling, that I have lived life, learned, experienced, "grown up" and feel complete.

Reflection

I apologize in advance if this post is hard to follow. I feel I am long overdue for writing here, and although I have many things to write and express I have no logical order of how to spew them all out. So I'm just going to wing it. It's a New Year and it's time to reflect.
I was recently asked to express my feelings about 2011 by one of the only people in my life who truly knows my inner thoughts, fears and feelings. The truth is there aren't many people I feel I can be completely honest with. I don't often express my true feelings for two reasons; one my fear of hurting others and two my fear of being hurt/ridiculed. The fact that I don't often express out loud what I am feeling might in part explain the numbness I currently feel towards life. It's not that I'm depressed, I just feel like every day is flashing by so quick that I don't have time to absorb my thoughts and feelings and really connect with the world and others. I have OCD and if I have a thought about something that needs to get done, even if it's something really small, I can't sit down or relax unless I do it. These thoughts interrupt any little time I have for myself and I end up being unable to focus on anything, even watching tv, until I finish the task that has passed through my mind. Working full time, doing school in my spare time, being a wife and mother of 6 animals and trying to find time for friends, family and leisure activities seems impossible right now.
Back to where I was going with this... my feelings about 2011. I believe when I was asked this question my exact words were, "It was just another year, just like every other year, full of good things and bad things." The truth is I couldn't think of one really extraordinary thing that happened this year. There were good things, like checking off a few things from my bucket list (learning to snowboard and starting University) and making some good memories with friends and family, but nothing so unbelievably good happened this year that changed the way I look at life. Unfortunately there were some really terrible things that happened in 2011 that did make me take a deeper look at my life. I lost a friend that was very close to my heart. He was far too young to die and far too talented and generous to leave this earth when he did. He died of a stroke while I was vacationing in Mexico. I fear that he didn't know just how highly I thought of him or how important his friendship was to me. That even though we weren't spending as much time together as we once did, I still thought of him often and he had a special place in my heart. Some of my best times were with him and it really made me think of how important it is to make time for those people while we still have the chance. This year I am going to try harder to express my appreciation to everyone in my life. I'm sad to say that just before Christmas I found out my grandmother has cancer. I have made a point to connect with her and cherish the time she has left. I hate death. I hate that we are forced to feel the pain of losing loved ones. There were other struggles in my personal life that have been very challenging. I will not go into detail about this but can say I have faced some situations I never hoped would be an issue.
Now that it is a new year I feel.......? Well I'm not sure how I feel. I know that this year will be filled with good and bad just like every other year. I am anxious to experience the good I know is to come and dreading going through the bad. I know there will be days I want to live in forever and others I wish away. Regardless of what happens the world will keep spinning and people will go on living their lives. This year I hope to find a balance in my life. I'm going to try to be more present in the good times so I can appreciate them more and they can help me make it through the bad.

Bucket List

Last year instead of creating a New Year's Resolution I decided I would sit down with my husband and we would talk about our goals, dreams, and what we really wanted to experience before we 'kicked the bucket.' Here is the list I came up with:

1. Learn to snowboard
2. Learn to speak another language
3. Learn to play guitar
4. Go on a volunteer trip to another country and help build homes/schools
5. Travel the Oregon Coast
6. Fly in a helicopter
7. Go on a zip line adventure
8. Get a post secondary diploma
9. Go para sailing
10. Go to a Canucks game
11. Travel to Italy and Greece
12. Move to another country for 6 months or more
13. Have a child
14. Build/design my own home
15. Take up photography

This year is almost over and I'm happy to say I have begun checking things off my list. I took up snowboarding in January and loved it! I have also enrolled in University and have started to learn Spanish. Creating this list has given me a new look on life and things to look forward too. I also made sure to leave room on the list and add to it. I've created a scrapbook for both mine and my husbands lists and put pictures of us doing our bucket list activities. I can't wait to see what we will do next!

(This is my entry in the Just Ask Bucket List Getaway Giveaway. Just Ask offers a breast and ovarian cancer screening and is encouraging people to share 15 things that I want to enjoy in my lifetime as a reminder to be aware of my health. Want to enter? Head over to TodaysMama.com to get the details.)

Hot Summer Nights

Last night I met up with the family at Riverside Park to watch Pirates 4. It's nights like last night that I love living in Kamloops. It was the perfect summer night. Great entertainment (whoever thought of playing movies outside on giant inflatable screens is genuis!), great company (I love my family), and a gorgeous sunset!!!

Simple Sundays

Sun Peaks Resort, BC Canada.

Simple Sundays

Just a small part of the beautiful province we live in.


Dawson Falls, Wells Gray, BC

Tough Decisions

Sometimes in life we are faced with decisions that we wish we didn't have to make. Recently one of my friends asked me for advice on one of these situations. I can help her talk out the scenarios but in the end the decision is hers and only hers to make. While pondering what to tell her I decided that the best advice I can give is this,
There is no point living in the what ifs, you have to live in the what is now.

Simple Sundays

A day of photoblog dedicated to the simple beauty of this province.

"The Caribbean of the North"

Johnson Lake, BC, Canada

Thoughts For Today...

I hear a lot of complaints from people that life isn't fair. We are surrounded by people who work hard every day of their lives and just can't catch a break. There are others who don't need to work hard and are just handed whatever their little heart desires. I've seen many people get jealous when talking about how unfair it is that some people get a "pass" through life. In the end we should feel sorry for these people because they will never experience the feeling of having their dreams come true based on their own hard work. There is no greater feeling than working hard to achieve your dreams and achieving them.